Of Milk, Englishmen, and the Internet
by ninzor
Summary: What will happen when Ren discovers the wonders of fan fiction and YouTube? Chaos is sure to ensue.


Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King. Neither do you. So ha.

**Of Milk, Englishmen, and the Internet**

Ren plopped down in a spiffy swiveling chair and turned on his computer. How did he get the computer? I don't know.

As he waited for it to finish booting, he went to the kitchen for a glass of milk. He smiled in satisfaction as the creamy white liquid splashed into the glass.

He turned to put the milk back in the fridge.

CRASH.

Horrified, Ren spun around. His eyes narrowed as he screamed, "DAMMIT, BASON! YOU WASTED A PERFECTLY GOOD CUP OF MILK!"

"Apologies, young master."

Ren's precious milk ran off the counter onto the floor. The white liquid spread in puddles around the floor. along the shattered glass.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ren screamed as if the milk was his own blood.

"KISAMA!!!!"

He poured himself another glass and fuming, marched back to the computer.

He instantly cheered up again, like magic.

And then he daintily clicked on the Internet Explorer icon while sipping the milk.

Being the self-centered Chinese fellow he was, Ren decided to try something fun.

He went to Google and typed in the searchbar: Tao Ren.

He grinned delightfully as thousands of results appeared before his very eyes. The glass of milk rested forgotten by the mouse as he scrolled through the listings.

Presently, he stumbled across a link to He was in the mood for some light literature.

Once he clicked the link, a pleasantly welcoming site in tones of blue, grey, and red appeared. He clicked on "Anime/Manga."

Scrolling through the options that then appeared, he remembered the milk and took another sip.

"Eh?" A certain link caught his eye. "Shaman King," he read.

"Shaman King? Shaman King? Well, that'll be me someday," Ren said cheerfully as he clicked on it.

There was a drop down list of characters.

"Characters?" he thought, looking through them.

"Ren T." he said, when he saw that certain option.

"Hey, that's me!" he said, amazed.

Instantly, a column of stories popped up. His eyes widened in horror at what he saw.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered. "Is...someone spreading rumors about me?"

He clicked on some random HoroxRen implying fic with a cheesily romantic title and began reading.

(AN: The following fic does not exist as far as my knowledge goes.)

He read to himself:

"I love you..." Ren whispered.

"I love you too, Ren-chan," Horo Horo replied.

The two boys were caught in a passionate kiss, and presently, their clothes were discarded on the floor...

"ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ren screamed, not daring to read further.

"S-since when do I love that freakish snow-loving baka!?" he stammered.

Enraged, he proceeded to submit a review. He read aloud as he typed:

"Dear Mary-Sue. I am extremely insulted by your horrible fic. Someday if I meet you in person I swear I will feed you to my father. And then Bason can throw your carcass into the trash for me. Just because I wore short-shorts before, DOES NOT MEAN I AM GAY!!!! And I DO NOT love that freak Horo Horo so stop making up lies about me! Yours truly, Tao Ren."

He clicked submit, and quickly left the site, scared that he would see more similar material.

Ren cheerfully went to Youtube to watch videos about crazy Asian mothers or whatever. However, when he reached the site, he had an idea.

He typed "Shaman King" into the searchbar. "Maybe there'll be some information," he thought to himself.

"EH!?" He looked in shock at the screen. There was an image of him! The words next to it read: Shaman King Episode 4 English Dub.

Fascinated, he clicked on it. He cranked up the volume and listened closely.

"PREVIOUSLY ON SHAMAN KING," announced a peppy voice.

"What the...!?" Ren spluttered as HE appeared on the screen.

"It's time for absolute compliance," sqwuaked the on-screen Ren.

Ren's mouth popped open. "What in the...that's me! But my voice...what happened?"

Intrigued, he watched on.

The on-screen Ren screeched, "BASOOOON! Give me one-hundred percent POWAH."

Ren twitched. He had no such horrible British accent. And he SO did not sound like a granny.

"ATTACK!!!" whined the imposter Ren.

The real Ren gasped. it was the same fight with Yoh...but that awful voice. Ugh. He shuddered.

On the screen, as Bason made contact with Yoh, Ren continued to glare at the computer. The on-screen Yoh let out a surprisingly masculine grunt as he flew through the air.

"What the...that's not Yoh's voice..."

Imposter Ren smirked from his position in the screen and blabbered in that horrible voice, "I do wish I could punish you more, but I really must finish you off."

The real Ren shivered in horror. he continued to listen closely...

"L-LENNY!?" He screamed in fury. "MY NAME IS NOT LENNY!!! KISAMA!!!!"

He quickly slammed his finger on the computer's OFF button without bothering to properly shut down.

He was too horrified for words.

Sobbing, he ran to find Jun for comfort, as Bason tailed him and snickered.

Afterthat fateful day, Ren never. Ever. Went on the internet again.


End file.
